Tuesday, 17 September 2013

Weddings, Currywurst and Headless Photos

We have just spent a weekend in Germany celebrating the wedding of 2 of our good friends.
It was the second marriage for both but watching them at the church and the wedding party afterwards ( and it truly was a party- complete with currywurst und pommels at 2 a.m.) it was impossible to believe that either of them could have been so happy with anyone else. It was one of those truly romantic stories where after many years without seeing each other, and without the help of the internet or friends reunited, two lost souls found each other again wandering through a street market in Germany.
Perhaps it was meant to be, perhaps it was just one of life's happier coincidences. But whether you are a believer in destiny or just someone who dares to dream of " happy-ever-afters," last Saturday, in front of 140 friends they made their love for each other official and celebrated in true German style!

And it made me wonder about weddings. 
Over the years we have been to lots of different weddings in lots of different countries.  Some religious, some not, some big and some small, some smart and some casual.
The average cost for a wedding in England is £22,000, in America $28,000.
That seems like an unholy amount of money for something that is simply meant to be a public declaration of ( hopefully) everlasting love between two people.
Sometimes it feels as though there is a new disease called weddingitis when, as soon as a couple get engaged, their wedding becomes the only thing that matters.
 Everything at their wedding must be better than everything at any wedding they have ever been to. The bride's dress must be more beautiful, the setting more perfect, the food more delicious.
And in the middle of all the weddingitis madness, it is easy to forget that the reason for it all is that two people have fallen in love and want to make a commitment to each other.
Perhaps I am biased.
When Ninesh and I got married we were living in America and simply flew to New York, booked an appointment at City Hall and asked one of our friends, Rich, living in New York at the time, to be our witness. 
We spent the night before in a gay bar where all the men tried to convince Ninesh that he was making the biggest mistake of his life marrying a woman. 
We woke up so late the next day that we missed our wedding slot and had to run to make it to City Hall before it closed.  

The whole ceremony took 2 minutes and when Rich took our picture on the steps of city hall with a borrowed instamatic, he forgot to include our heads!
Perhaps we just don't know what we missed out on, Ninesh and I, but just because it was private didn't stop it being important. In the end the promise we made to each other in front of Rich and a Justice of the Peace, was the same as the promise we would have made in front of friends and family.
I guess, in the end, like everything else, the way you get married is a lifestyle choice

The worrying thing about weddingitis though, is the speed at which it consumes the body and mind of all involved. Its symptons of unending wedding talk and obsessive wedding planning are untreatable. 
 And in the middle of weddingitis fever, it is easy to forget weddings always have  one long term side-effect: marriage 
But the truth is, it is never the wedding itself that I remember.
 It's not the venue or the cut of the bride's dress or the taste of the food.  
What I remember is the look in the groom's eye or the tremor in the bride's voice.  
What I remember is the laughter of friends and the sense that for just one night, we have shared in the warmth of someone else's dreams.
When the party is over and the dress packed away, all you are left with is two people who have made a life-long commitment to each other and are standing at the beginning of a journey they have promised to share. 
And however big or small the wedding, all you wish for them, is that their adventure will bring them happiness.
While a marriage is a private commitment, a promise between 2 people to stay together for better or worse, a wedding is a way of making that promise  public by sharing it with the people you care about the most.
Or then again, perhaps it's just the best excuse ever for a party and eating currywurst at 2 a.m.

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