Burning away the birthday blues

The thing about birthdays is, the older you get, the less you look forward to them! 
Instead of being something to celebrate, they become a symbol of time passing.
 A reminder that another year has gone by and you still haven't written your masterpiece, saved the planet or even kept your house tidy. 
Another year has gone by and mostly everything is exactly the same and somehow that's a bit disappointing!

At work I watch kids bursting through the door when it's their birthday. They are so excited that walking through the day is impossible, they have to run or skip or shout through it.
Mostly they have been telling you for months, in loud whispers, that it is their birthday tomorrow.  Because when you are 3 or 4, tomorrow is the rest of your life and the rest of your life is exploding with potential and unexplored dreams.  
And I wonder when it is, that we lose that sense of uncontainable excitement, lose the belief that tomorrow will always be better than today, stop believing that all things are possible. 
Birthdays do that to you when you are little.  
For a whole day you truly are the centre of the universe.
  Presents are poured upon you,  you have a party where all your friends are there just because of you and a cake with candles that only you can  blow out ( although your friends will always try!)

A cake made for Joss when we celebrated his birthday in Portugal

When you are little, birthdays confirm everything that you have always believed about the world: you are at it's centre.
And even as you get older, there is still something magical about birthdays.
 The mystery of unwrapped gifts, the planning of how to celebrate, the angst of what to wear. 
As a teenager, each birthday is a step towards adulthood, an excuse to celebrate and party and ask for  the latest phone as a present.
And even as you take your first steps into adulthood, there is usually something special about birthdays, proving to yourself how your life has moved on, how in just a year you have achieved so much or so much has changed. 
And then you hit 40.  
And after that you lose count and the years blend together.
And it is hard to believe that another year has passed!
 And instead of making you feel excited, birthdays make you feel blue.
Usually I hibernate for the day.
But this year my birthday was on the weekend and it seemed wrong to do nothing. 
And something has changed this year. 
We have built a fire-pit in our garden.

So on Saturday night, we invited friends to sit round our fire.
Not a party, not really a celebration, just an evening sharing food and drink and laughter with friends. 
And I was lucky, because throughout the day, long-ago friends phoned to wish me happy birthday.  
And even though it's a very long time since I believed that I was the centre of the universe, for just a day, I did feel special.
And the fire blazed and the conversation bubbled and as I sat staring into the flames, I realised that there truly is no greater gift than friendship ( cliched,-can't do accents!- I know, but true ).
And that perhaps birthdays aren't so bad after all. 
Perhaps you don't have to see them as marking the passage of time but simply as a way to celebrate all that you have. 
And who knows, perhaps this really will be the year when all our dreams  come true!